Dear Flyers: Stop it. Just stop it.

The Flyers hope to discontinue their whirlwind tour of suck tonight when they meet the Vancouver Canucks at the Wachovia Center. Now that Danny Briere will be back in the lineup, Philadelphia will (maybe?) have a better shot at ending their five losses in six games skid, the most recent of which coming Saturday in a 1-0 shutout by noted vampire-enthusiasts in Atlanta. To illustrate how dire the situation currently is, let me point out something nobody (and by that I mean everybody. Seriously, this is like the stat that won’t die.) else has: Prior to Saturday night, the Flyers had won fourteen straight contests over the Thrashers. FOURTEEN. That’s twelve more than two. And they don’t even play in the same division!

When was the last time Philadelphia lost to the Thrashers, you ask? Marvelous question. That would be November 18, 2005. Do you remember where you were then? Cause I sure don’t. Mainly because it was OVER FOUR YEARS AGO. Ryan Howard wasn’t even in the major leagues back then!  Damn you Atlanta and your affinity for the fireworksy undead. We’ll see you spawn of Satan on January 28. And next time, the ice will made of holy water. Hope you don’t slip.

But I digress. Briere’s done with that pesky flu that kept him bed-ridden (or whatever hockey players do when they’re sick…perhaps shots?) for the past several games. The offense can sure use him, because tonight they’ll be facing Roberto Luongo. You might have heard of him. He’s the best goaltender in the NHL. Any doubts to that were put to rest when his Canucks spanked Martin Brodeur and the Devils 5-2 last evening in New Jersey. Yes, that means they’ll be tired, but still. It’s Roberto Lungo. He’s like this:

ROBOT IN NET! Oh shit.

Wait a tick. That isn’t right. He hasn’t been playing goal for 700 years. And his parents didn’t make Finding Nemo! No, no, nothing about this adds up at all! Perhaps I meant this:

Damnit that’s not right either. Oh well, I’m sure it’ll come to me in time. Enjoy the game tonight.

Off-topic, did anyone else see the Phillies signed Placido Polanco to a 3-year/$18M contract today? I mean, that’s cool and all, and I like the signing, but we traded him to Detroit in 2005. In return, we received Ramon Martinez and some guy who apparently has a really bad temper. He also had a penchant for wielding a machete when said temper got the best of him. Who was he…hmmm…Oh! I remember now!

Talk about a closer! Wocka Wocka.

But I could be mistaken. It was 2005, afer all.

Tags: Christian Ingram, four years is a long ass time, off-topic, Philadelphia Flyers, Ugueth Urbina = Jason Voorhees, visual schtick