Actually talking hockey this time. I swear!

*Chair swivels*

Oh, you made it back for round two. Good for you. But I saw you there this time. You’d better learn to be a bit sneakier, like Elaine’s sidling co-worker from Seinfeld, perhaps, if you want to catch this blogger off guard.

As yet, we haven’t talked any Orange. Or Black. And certainly no combination of the two. This saddens me, especially since they just demolished Tampa Bay by a 6-2 final last evening. Mike Richards, for whom I’d happily stand atop a classroom desk and call out “Oh Captain, my Captain!”, netted two goals and an assist on the contest. Not to be outdone, Jeffrey Carter wasn’t to be outdone, popping in two pucks of his own, giving him six through 12 games, a mark only bested on the team by Richards’ eight. Chris Hanson-esque jailbait James Van Riemsdyk had three assists in the win while only-a-little-older-but-still-filthy-enough-for-Mr.Hanson Claude Giroux added two of his own.

As a quick hit, winger Simon Gagne has elected to go with surgery to repair his sports hernia and will be out six-to-eight weeks. Kniwing Gagne, expect it to be the longer end of the time frame. What? The guy’s like Glass Joe from Punch-Out. If Glass Joe had a nasty wrister. And was more fragile.

The main focus of today, however, is to introduce the first running feature of the new Phlying Pucks. It will focus on the contract situations of all current members of the Philadelphia Flyers, going over both the short and long-term pros and cons of both.

I call this segment…..wait for it…………………..

What? Seriously? Copyright infringement? Psh. Whatever. This be a blog, bitches. Daddy’s gonne name his child what he wants. Mainly because there’s not a girl in the vicinity to argue with. Nevertheless, let’s begin!

We’re starting with an easy one today, as we’ll only be going over the the guys between the pipes. They go through a lot of ups and downs, but damn are they entertaining. What with their alternating starts and their bright-colored outfits.

Get it? Between the pipes? Ahhhhhhhh yes. Puns are great.

Aaaaanyway, the Flyers will pay starter (and girl-threatener) Ray Emery $1.5M this year. At the conclusion of the season, “Razor” will be an unrestreicted free agent, or UFA. Emery is easily earning himself a payday following 2009-10, compiling a 2.42 GAA, a .916 save percentage, and a record of 7-3-1, including a shutout in the season-opener against Carolina.

The fiery netminder will certainly be looking for an extension from the Fly Guys as the year progresses. It’d be a mistake to give him one now, but he’s shown that they weren’t wrong in taking a chance on a guy who didn’t play hockey on this continent last season. Emery’s something of a wild card, but for the paltry amount he’s making this year, Philly really can’t go wrong.

Backup Brian Boucher is in his second go-around with the Flyers. Lured away from a job backing up Evgeni Nabokov in San Jose last off-season, Boucher will make $.925M both this year and next before hitting unrestricted free agency. His performance is tough to judge with only one start under his belt, but I’d say paying less than a mil for a backup who has flashes of brilliance is never a bad thing.

That’s it for today, but I’ll be back later in the week to analyze the contracts of the Flyer defensemen. Hint: A time-travel device wouldn’t be a bad investment for the trainer’s room. Just a thought.

Tags: blatant gimmick infringement, Christian Ingram, contractology is not an exact science, Deal or No Deal, Philadelphia Flyers