7:03 - First Rich Peverley reference, and he’s featured alongside Mike Richards on Steve Coates’ pre-game analysis. It’s like looking in the mirror and saying “Candyman” five times with the lights off. Don’t do it, CSN!
7:08 – Apparently it’s Reptile Carcillo’s birthday. Maybe he’ll stay out of the box to celebrate. Or try and one-up the dude from Dallas who drilled a guy from Calgary with his own helmet during a fight. I’m hoping for the former, but then again, I’m a guy who likes to win hockey games.
COATESY WEARING A HELMET! WTF Coates, vampires attack the neck, not the skull! Did you miss Blade’s training session earlier?
And yes. I’m going to do this all night. Live with it.
7:14 - Flyers getting some great scoring chances early on, which ends up netting them a power play after a hooking penalty. Power play flowing well but not getting many pucks on Hedberg, who gets the start again against Philly.
7:18 – No luck on that effort for Philly and their third-ranked PP, but at least they got some better chances towards the end of the man advantage.
I don’t really like bud light, but that too heavy/too light paintball makes me laugh every single time. Well done, makers of sub-par beer!
7:20 - Uh, MetroPCS, I’m pretty sure putting Middle Eastern guys as your commercial figureheads isn’t going to gain you market penetration. Might not be the most sound business strategy. Just sayin.
Oh, and Coates looks ridiculous with that helmet. You and your oblong head need to suck it up, sir.
7:23 - Flyers about to go on another PECOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO POWER PLAY.
Sorry, was just trying to do the PA guy justice here. Kubina goes for interference, giving the Orange and Black another shot at Hedberg.
7:27 - Another PP down the drain, although this time they didn’t do nearly anything right. Step it up, gentlemen, or Coatesy is going to get out there. He’s already halfway dressed, after all.
7:29 - Peverley uses UNNATURAL speed to race to a loose puck and take a good shot on Emery. It appears my judgment of the rift between Peverley and his Twilight brethren came too soon. Stupid sparkler.
7:32 – Some kid on mic’d up just told Scotty Hartnell that he just added the winger on his fantasy team. I’ve barked up that tree before, sport. Unless you need penalty minutes (which I maintain should NOT be a positive statistic), you’re going to be underwhelmed.
7:35 - Way to sell the Orange Line segment with Emery and Bernard Hopkins, CSN. They’re going to talk about their mutual admiration for each other? Yeah, that sounds awesome.
“You punch good!”
“Why thank you, Ray! I like the way you only occasionally let pucks past you!”
“You’re so cool, you’re on my mask!”
Why did I give the boxer the more educated-sounding dialog? Whoops.
7:38 - Maybe it’s just me, but in no way would I ever sit in the Lehigh Valley Family Section. Nothing about sitting and watching hockey with a bunch of families seems like fun to me. I’m sure it’s great for parents, but really, if you’re not around some drunk miscreant during a Flyers game, you’re not getting the full experience.
7:44 - Danny Briere feeds Hartnell with a great pass to give him a clean break in on Hedberg and even followed his shot with the rebound, but couldn’t light the lamp and the game remains scoreless. More vampire magic? Regardless, that kid is definitely regretting adding Scotty to his squad.
Andddd the Thrashers go right back down the ice and score. Evander Kane slides behind the net on a wrap-around and finds Jim Slater (who??) for a goal. Ray Emery wasn’t anywhere near the puck (or most of the net) during that pay. Maybe Hopkins can give him something other than admiration during the next Orange Line.
Period One = FIN.
7:47 - Geico: Yes, Ed “Too Tall” Jones is, in fact, too tall. Your commercial illustrating this is absolutely awkward and hilarious. Geico, do not change a thing.
Pennsylvania Lottery: Get rid of that creepy green-suited guy. He’s somehow douchier than Matthew Lesko. Hard to do, but true nonetheless. Fix it.
7:50 - Soccer net for Boucher? COATESY’S REVENGE! Well played, though I do not care for the overly-forced laughter.
8:04 - Coatesy got punked and apparently was not mandated to wear the ridiculous helmet. So to retaliate, he puts on a black helmet with a goal light on top of it. So, I guess he….wasn’t….punked? Oh live television, how pre-produced you are.
8:10 - Likes how the game has become second-fiddle to the Coatesy helmetgate incident. I’m really not sure it’s as funny as they’re all making it out to be.
8:13 – Despite completely assing-out behind the net, Hedberg makes a solid play to move the puck along (from his ass) and avoid a delay of game penalty.
8:16 - WOW. Claude Giroux just made everyone in in the Atlanta zone, especially Johan Hedberg, look stupid. Giroux dekes no less than eighteen times to slither around Hedberg and slip the puck into the net. 1-1 tie, but Atlanta now heads to the PP. Get back to work, boys.
8:21 - Flyers survive a scare or two on the PK to keep the game knotted. Jeff Carter actually had two odd-man chances shorthanded but wasn’t able to capitalize.
8:23 - What a play! What a guy! Claude Giroux does it again! JVR sets up a brilliant two-on-one for Giroux and Asham. Giroux holds until the last possible second before dishing to Asham, who buried it between the flailing legs of Hedberg. 2-1 good guys.
8:36 - Reptile makes it a complete birthday! Carcillo takes a good feed from Lapierre late in the shift and stuffs it past Hedberg. 3-1 Flyers as the 2nd Period nears completion.
8:41 - Second period in the books as the Flyers head into the final frame with a 3-1 lead over the southern vampires. No word on if Bill Compton and/or Eric Northman will join Peverley and Co. for the third, but the Thrash have no real life in them right now.
I didn’t even mean for that to be a pun. But I’ll go with it. Especially since this gimmick is getting older much faster than I’d desired
9:00 – The dark arts clearly have taken hold with Atlanta, as Ilya Kovalchuk and his stupid name sniped his 31st goal of the season, making it a one-goal lead for the Flyers. But Philly at least ends up with a PP out of the deal.
9:06 - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. WHO FED ATLANTA TRUEBLOOD DURING THE BREAK?!?!?!?!?
Peverley takes a long pass from Kubina and breaks in alone on Emery. He makes good too, using his stupid vampire quickness to beat Razor five-hole. Tie game. Goddamnit. BLADE! WHERE ART THOU BLADE????!?
9:16 - Flyers looking dominant on their PK right now. They’ve successfully killed off two penalties since the goal from Peverley and haven’t allowed really any scoring chances on either. Way to take that momentum back.
9:21 - Arron Asham absolutely levels Atlanta’s Thorburn with an Edward Norton-in-Fight Club-esque right hand to the ear. Four penalties to four men, no advantage either way. Just some good old rough, fun behavior. Which apparently has a place out of the bedroom as well. Who knew?
9:25 – In the shot of him in the box, Asham looks almost exactly like Fulton Reed of Mighty Ducks fame. And was wringing his right hand from how hard he hit Thorburn. Suck it, Team Edward.
9:28 - The Kane-to-Slater play works again. Kane uses that wrap-around speed to once again confuse the shit out of Ray Emery, allowing Jim Slater to once again bang home a puck into an empty net. WTF ARE YOU DOING EMERY? THEY AREN’T THAT SPARKLY!
9:40 - Flyers kill off a goalie interference penalty on Danny Briere and have 25 ticks left on the clock to tie it. They’re pressing hard, but these situations never seem to go well for the Orange and Black Army. Jim Slater wins player of the game honors for batting pucks into wide-open nets. Ghey.
9:42. And it’s a final. Atlanta makes it two in a row for the first time this decade with a come-from-behind 4-3 victory.
Flyers lose for the first time all season in regulation when leading after two periods, dropping them to 22-1-2. Fack.
Next game: Saturday vs. Islanders (1 p.m., CSN)
VN:F [1.4.6_730]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)